It's important to remember that making decisions regarding your treatment is best done in collaboration with your mental health care team. They have a better understanding of your specific situation and can provide personalized advice.
That being said, I can offer some general thoughts on this matter. In the context of structural dissociation and PTSD, it's not uncommon for different parts or aspects of your personality to emerge, each with their own feelings, thoughts, and desires. If you're feeling anxious, stuck, stressed, and dissociated, it might be a sign that one of these parts is activated and expressing a desire to leave the hospital.
Listening to these parts is essential in therapy and healing, but it doesn't mean acting on their desires impulsively. The goal is to acknowledge and understand their feelings and needs, but ultimately, the decision about your treatment should be made with the support and guidance of your mental health care team.
Here are some steps you could consider taking:
Communicate with your treatment team: Talk openly about how you're feeling, including the desire to leave. They can help you explore the reasons behind this desire and provide appropriate support.
Safety first: If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsafe, discuss it with the staff immediately. They are there to ensure your well-being and can offer strategies to help you cope.
Engage in grounding techniques: If you're dissociating, try grounding exercises to help you stay present and connected to the here and now.
Explore the reasons behind the desire to leave: Work with your treatment team to understand why this part of you wants to leave. It might be related to past traumas or fears triggered by the hospital environment.
Develop coping strategies: Together with your mental health care providers, develop coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety and stress that arise during your treatment.
Set realistic treatment goals: Collaborate with your treatment team to set achievable milestones and make adjustments to your treatment plan if necessary.
Seek support from loved ones: Reach out to friends or family who can offer understanding and encouragement during this challenging time.
Remember, healing takes time, and therapy is a process. It's okay to experience ups and downs along the way. Your treatment team is there to support you, so don't hesitate to share your concerns and feelings with them.