It sounds like you are facing a complex and challenging family situation. When family dynamics become strained and disruptive, it's essential to take steps to address the issues and find a healthy resolution. Here are some suggestions to consider:
Open Communication: Sit down with your wife and have an open and honest conversation about her feelings and concerns. Listen actively and empathize with her perspective. Create a safe space for her to express her emotions and frustrations.
Assess the Situation: Take a step back and objectively assess the situation at home. Understand the root causes of the conflicts with your mother and how they are impacting your relationship with your wife.
Consider Couples Counseling: If the issues are deep-rooted and complex, consider seeking couples counseling or therapy. A professional counselor can help you and your wife work through the challenges and improve your communication and understanding of each other.
Set Boundaries: If your mother's behavior is causing problems in your marriage, it may be necessary to set clear boundaries. Discuss with your wife what boundaries need to be established to create a healthier living environment for both of you.
Talk to Your Parents: If you feel comfortable, have a calm and respectful conversation with your parents. Express your feelings and concerns about the current situation. Try to find a compromise that respects everyone's needs and feelings.
Seek Support from Other Family Members: If possible, involve other family members who can mediate and offer guidance to help resolve the conflicts.
Consider Alternative Living Arrangements: If the situation doesn't improve, and living together is untenable, consider finding alternative living arrangements temporarily or permanently to give both you and your wife the space needed to work on your relationship.
Prioritize Your Marriage: Remember that your marriage is a crucial relationship that requires nurturing and attention. Make an effort to prioritize your wife's feelings and needs while working on resolving the issues with your mother.
Seek Individual Therapy: If you're struggling with the emotional toll of the situation, consider seeking individual therapy for yourself. A therapist can provide you with support and coping strategies to deal with the challenges you're facing.
Be Patient and Kind: Resolving family conflicts can take time. Be patient with each other and try to approach the situation with kindness and understanding.
Remember, every family situation is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The most important thing is to communicate openly, work together as a team, and prioritize the well-being of your marriage. If you find that the issues are too overwhelming to handle on your own, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A counselor or therapist can provide guidance and support as you navigate through these challenging times.