Question

My boyfriend was between housing when he asked to stay with me for a week. It’s been a month. He hasn’t offered to pay bills or split the rent. He does pay for groceries 50% of the time. Is this disrespectful? Do I ask him to move out?

Answer 1

It's understandable that you wanted to help your boyfriend when he was between housing, but it's concerning that he has overstayed his initial request without discussing or contributing to the living arrangements. While it's not uncommon to help out a partner during tough times, it's also essential to establish clear boundaries and expectations.

Whether it's disrespectful or not depends on the specific dynamics of your relationship and the agreements you've made in the past. However, it is generally considered respectful for someone staying long-term in another person's home to offer to contribute to household expenses, such as bills and rent, especially if they've been there for an extended period.

Here are some steps to consider:

1. Communication: Initiate an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about the situation. Share your feelings and concerns about the extended stay and the lack of contribution to the household expenses. Listen to his perspective as well.

2. Establish boundaries: Clearly communicate your expectations regarding the length of his stay and financial contributions. Be specific about what you're comfortable with, whether it's a set timeframe or a fair split of expenses.

3. Reevaluate the situation: Based on your conversation and his response, consider if he is willing to respect your boundaries and make appropriate changes.

4. Offer alternative solutions: If he genuinely needs more time to find suitable housing, suggest exploring other temporary housing options or reaching out to friends or family who might be able to help.

5. Consider your needs: Reflect on your own feelings and needs. It's essential to prioritize your well-being and not allow yourself to be taken advantage of or put under undue financial strain.

6. Decide on moving forward: After having the conversation and taking time to evaluate the situation, make a decision about what you think is best for both of you. This may involve him finding alternative housing or setting clearer expectations for his contribution if he continues to stay.

Remember, every relationship is different, and it's essential to find a solution that works for both of you. Open communication and mutual respect are key in addressing this situation effectively.