Telling someone they are not a kind person while also noting that they are overly polite can be a delicate matter and potentially come across as rude or contradictory. It's important to consider the context and your intentions when offering feedback to someone about their behavior or personality.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
Be Constructive: If you feel the need to address someone's behavior, it's best to focus on specific actions or situations rather than making broad, sweeping statements about their character. Offer specific examples of behaviors that have led you to feel they are not kind.
Use "I" Statements: Frame your feedback using "I" statements to express your feelings and observations without sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I noticed that during our conversation earlier, I felt hurt by some of your comments," rather than saying, "You are not a kind person."
Offer Empathy: Before providing feedback, try to put yourself in their shoes and consider their perspective. This approach can lead to more open and understanding communication.
Choose the Right Moment: Pick an appropriate time and private setting to discuss your feelings with the person. Avoid addressing sensitive matters in public or when either of you is in a rush or stressed.
Avoid Making Generalizations: Refrain from making broad judgments about someone's personality based solely on a few interactions. People can have different sides to their personality, and it's essential to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Focus on Improvement: Instead of just criticizing, try to offer suggestions on how they can improve their interactions with others and foster more positive relationships.
Ultimately, the goal should be to foster better communication and understanding rather than simply pointing out flaws or contradictions. If your intention is to help the person grow or foster more meaningful connections, it's essential to approach the conversation with empathy and kindness.