Dealing with a friend who consistently flakes on you and lies to spend time with others can be hurtful and frustrating. Here are some steps you can take to address the situation:
Communicate Honestly: Talk to your friend about how their actions make you feel. Choose a calm and non-confrontational moment to express your concerns. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as "I feel hurt when plans get canceled at the last minute."
Listen to Their Side: Give your friend a chance to explain their behavior. They may have reasons for their actions that you're not aware of. Open communication can help clear up misunderstandings and reveal underlying issues.
Set Boundaries: Make it clear that you value honesty and reliability in a friendship. Establish boundaries regarding cancellations and last-minute changes. Let your friend know that you expect to be treated with respect and consideration.
Evaluate the Friendship: Reflect on the overall dynamic of the friendship. If your friend's behavior is a consistent pattern and they show little regard for your feelings, it may be worth considering whether this friendship is genuinely healthy for you.
Consider Their Perspective: While it's essential to stand up for yourself, try to understand your friend's perspective too. They might be going through something that affects their behavior. However, it shouldn't excuse consistently disrespectful treatment.
Be Selective with Plans: If your friend has a habit of canceling or flaking on you, consider being more cautious when making plans with them. You don't have to cut them out completely, but be mindful of the frequency and importance of the events you invite them to.
Expand Your Social Circle: Don't solely rely on one person for your social life. Cultivate other friendships and participate in activities that interest you. Having a diverse circle of friends can provide more fulfilling and reliable social interactions.
Address the Lies: If your friend has been lying to you, calmly address the issue and express how important honesty is to you in your relationships.
Be Willing to Forgive: If your friend acknowledges their behavior and genuinely apologizes, be open to forgiving them. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's essential to see if they're willing to change their behavior.
Consider Seeking Support: If the situation doesn't improve and you find it challenging to cope with the emotions involved, consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist for additional support and guidance.
Remember, a genuine friendship should be based on mutual respect, trust, and support. If your friend continues to disregard your feelings and consistently treats you poorly, it might be time to reassess the value of this friendship in your life. Prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with people who treat you with kindness and consideration.