Feeling conflicted about being around people but also experiencing a dislike for loneliness can be a complex and challenging emotional experience. Several factors might contribute to this contradiction:
Introversion vs. Social Needs: You might be an introvert, meaning you tend to feel more comfortable and recharged when alone or in small, intimate settings. However, as social beings, we all have a fundamental need for human connection, and extended periods of isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness.
Social Anxiety: It's possible that you might have social anxiety or discomfort in certain social situations, making it challenging to enjoy being around people. However, this doesn't necessarily mean you want to be completely isolated; you might still desire meaningful connections and friendships.
Past Experiences: Negative past experiences with social interactions or relationships could lead to a sense of aversion to being around people, while still desiring companionship and meaningful connections.
Fear of Rejection: The fear of rejection or not fitting in might lead to a preference for solitude, as it reduces the risk of experiencing social judgment or disappointment.
Emotional Vulnerability: Being around people can make you feel emotionally vulnerable, which might be uncomfortable. But at the same time, the lack of emotional support and meaningful connections can lead to feelings of loneliness.
Difficulty in Finding Like-Minded People: You might have a specific need for genuine connections with people who share similar interests or values, and finding such connections can be challenging.
Unfulfilling Social Interactions: If you are consistently surrounded by people with whom you don't connect deeply or feel understood, you may still experience a sense of loneliness despite being in their company.
It's essential to understand that these feelings are valid, and many individuals experience similar conflicts. The key is to find a balance that works for you, where you can honor your need for solitude while also seeking meaningful social connections that align with your preferences and comfort level.
Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you explore these feelings and provide guidance on finding ways to cope with conflicting emotions and improve your overall well-being. Additionally, gradually exposing yourself to social situations and nurturing relationships with like-minded individuals can help you navigate this complex emotional landscape.