I'm really sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way. Loneliness and feelings of abuse can be incredibly challenging to cope with. It's important to remember that you are not alone in experiencing these emotions. There are many people who have struggled with loneliness and difficult circumstances throughout their lives.
Feeling isolated and unsupported can make it even more difficult to cope with these emotions. It's crucial to reach out for help and support. Talking to a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, can be incredibly beneficial. They can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for you to discuss your feelings and experiences and can offer guidance on how to cope with them.
Regarding the topic of death, it's essential to remember that talking about it can be challenging for many people, and not everyone may be comfortable discussing it. However, if you feel the need to talk about these feelings, you could consider seeking support groups or helplines where people are more open to discussing such topics.
Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve support and care, and there are people who can help you navigate through these difficult emotions. If you're in a crisis or experiencing suicidal thoughts, please don't hesitate to reach out to a helpline or emergency services in your country.
You matter, and your feelings are valid. Don't hesitate to reach out for help and support. There are people who care and want to help you through these tough times.