It's important to recognize that the information provided is based on the limited context you provided, and complex issues like this often require a deeper understanding through professional help.
It seems like you are experiencing a conflict within yourself that is causing significant distress. There may be several potential reasons for your feelings and behaviors:
Unresolved personal issues: Feelings of unhappiness and restlessness in a seemingly content relationship can be a result of unresolved personal issues or past traumas that may be affecting your emotional well-being.
Relationship dynamics: It's possible that there are underlying issues within your marriage that are causing you to seek fulfillment outside the relationship. This could be related to communication, emotional intimacy, or other aspects of your partnership.
Coping mechanism: Cheating may be a way for you to cope with feelings of loneliness, guilt, or dissatisfaction, even if it provides only temporary relief.
Addiction: Engaging in repetitive behavior like cheating can sometimes be a sign of addiction, which may require professional intervention and support to address effectively.
Emotional disconnection: Feeling disconnected from your partner emotionally may lead to seeking emotional connection elsewhere.
Fear of intimacy: Fear of deep emotional intimacy can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors like cheating.
Lack of personal fulfillment: Sometimes, individuals may feel unfulfilled in life, leading to dissatisfaction with their relationships and resorting to harmful behaviors.
It is essential to acknowledge your feelings and behaviors and to seek professional help to understand their underlying causes and find healthy ways to address them. Consider speaking with a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. They can help you gain insights, develop coping strategies, and work towards finding personal fulfillment and healthier ways to address any challenges in your marriage.
Additionally, open and honest communication with your wife about your feelings and struggles is crucial for the well-being of your relationship. Remember, seeking help is a courageous step towards personal growth and positive change.