It sounds like you may be experiencing a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) commonly known as "Obsessing about the Absence of Obsessions." This is when the individual becomes fixated on the fact that their intrusive thoughts have reduced or diminished, leading to feelings of guilt, anxiety, or worry about not being bothered by them as much as before.
It's important to recognize that the nature of OCD can be complex, and it often involves irrational thought patterns and extreme self-criticism. Here are some suggestions to help you cope with these feelings:
Acknowledge the OCD: Understand that these feelings of guilt and self-doubt are part of the OCD. Recognize that OCD often creates doubts and negative thoughts that are not based on reality.
Challenge the thoughts: Practice cognitive-behavioral techniques to challenge and reframe the negative thoughts. For example, when you think you are a terrible person for not reacting strongly to intrusive thoughts, remind yourself that recovery from OCD involves reducing the distress caused by the thoughts.
Seek professional help: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in OCD or anxiety disorders. They can help you work through these thoughts and provide strategies to manage them effectively.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and understand that it's normal for OCD symptoms to fluctuate over time. Give yourself credit for the progress you've made in managing your intrusive thoughts.
Mindfulness and grounding techniques: Practice mindfulness or grounding exercises to help you stay present and centered when these thoughts arise.
Engage in activities you enjoy: Keep yourself engaged in hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can help take your mind off intrusive thoughts and reduce their power over you.
Avoid reassurance-seeking behaviors: Resist the urge to seek reassurance from others about your thoughts and feelings. Reassurance-seeking can temporarily relieve anxiety but can reinforce the OCD cycle in the long run.
Remember that OCD is treatable, and it's normal to experience ups and downs in your recovery journey. If you find that these thoughts are causing significant distress and interference in your life, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A qualified mental health professional can work with you to develop a personalized treatment plan to address your specific needs and challenges.