It sounds like you're experiencing a significant level of anxiety and distress associated with your intrusive thoughts, and it's really important to take these feelings seriously. These thoughts are not indicative of your character or desires. They're often seen in anxiety disorders, including Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
Here are a few general strategies that can help, but keep in mind these are just starting points and professional help should be sought if distress continues:
Understanding Intrusive Thoughts: First, it's important to understand that everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time, and they do not make you a bad person or signify that you will act on them. They are simply thoughts, and they do not control your actions.
Mindfulness and Acceptance: Rather than trying to push the thoughts away, which can often make them stronger, try to accept their presence as merely thoughts, not reality or future actions. Practicing mindfulness can be beneficial in this process.
Thought-Stopping Techniques: Some people find it helpful to visualize a "stop sign" when an intrusive thought enters their mind. This can sometimes help to "interrupt" the thought.
Focus on What You Can Control: You can't necessarily control what thoughts pop into your head, but you can control your reaction to them. This involves recognizing them as intrusive thoughts and not giving them more importance or power than they deserve.
However, the most important thing you can do if these thoughts are causing you significant distress is to seek professional help. Mental health professionals, including therapists and psychiatrists, have tools and techniques that can be very effective at managing intrusive thoughts. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for instance, is one method that can be particularly useful.
Also, remember that you're not alone in this. Many people experience intrusive thoughts, and there is a lot of help available. You don't have to navigate this on your own. If these thoughts are making you feel extremely anxious or if they're persistent, please contact a healthcare professional.