Triangulation is a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists to create and maintain control over their victims or targets. It involves bringing a third party into a relationship or interaction to generate jealousy, insecurity, and competition among the individuals involved. While triangulation can be unsettling for anyone, it tends to be especially triggering for several reasons:
Insecurity and Jealousy: Triangulation plays on our natural human tendencies to feel insecure and jealous when we perceive a potential threat to our connection with someone we care about. The narcissist uses this to keep their victims off-balance and in a constant state of anxiety.
Validation and Attention-Seeking: Narcissists often seek validation and attention from multiple sources. By triangulating others, they ensure a steady stream of attention, admiration, and affection, which bolsters their fragile self-esteem.
Emotional Manipulation: Triangulation is a powerful emotional manipulation tool. By involving others, the narcissist can control the narrative and create confusion, making their victims doubt themselves and their perceptions.
Isolation and Dependence: Triangulation can isolate the victim from their support network, making them more dependent on the narcissist for validation and emotional stability.
Guilt and Obligation: Victims may feel guilty about experiencing negative emotions like jealousy or resentment, which can further entangle them in the manipulative web the narcissist creates.
Gaslighting: Triangulation is often coupled with gaslighting, where the narcissist denies or distorts reality to make the victim question their sanity or intuition. This can lead to increased self-doubt and confusion.
Fear of Abandonment: The fear of losing the person they care about to the third party can be deeply distressing, leading to increased compliance with the narcissist's demands.
Constant Comparison: The victim may feel perpetually compared to the third party, leading to a sense of inadequacy and a desperate need to prove themselves.
Emotional Roller Coaster: The constant shifting dynamics and emotional roller coaster caused by triangulation can leave the victim feeling emotionally drained and exhausted.
Trauma Bonding: Paradoxically, the intermittent reinforcement of affection and attention from the narcissist (when they are not triangulating) can create a strong bond, making it challenging for the victim to break free.
It's important to note that not everyone will be equally triggered by triangulation, as individual responses can vary based on their past experiences, emotional resilience, and overall mental health. However, in general, the manipulative tactics of narcissists, including triangulation, can be highly distressing and harmful to their victims. If you find yourself in such a situation, seeking support from friends, family, or a professional therapist can be beneficial in navigating and breaking free from the cycle of abuse.