Pushing people away despite wanting to become close with them is a common behavior, and it can have various underlying reasons. Here are some possible explanations:
Fear of Vulnerability: Developing close relationships requires vulnerability and emotional openness. If you have been hurt or betrayed in the past, you might fear being hurt again, leading you to push people away to protect yourself from potential pain.
Low Self-Esteem: If you struggle with low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness, you might believe that you don't deserve close relationships or that people will eventually reject you. Subconsciously, you might push others away to avoid facing perceived rejection.
Past Trauma or Attachment Issues: Childhood experiences or past traumas can significantly impact how you form and maintain relationships. If you've experienced attachment issues or trauma, you might have developed defensive mechanisms that cause you to distance yourself from others.
Independence or Self-Sufficiency: Some individuals value their independence and self-sufficiency, making it difficult for them to let others get too close. They might fear losing their autonomy or rely on themselves to meet their emotional needs.
Fear of Abandonment: Paradoxically, pushing people away can be a defense mechanism against the fear of being abandoned. By controlling the distance in a relationship, you might avoid experiencing the pain of being left.
Communication Difficulties: If you struggle with communicating your emotions and needs, you might unintentionally push people away because they can't fully understand or connect with you.
Unresolved Issues: Unresolved conflicts or emotional issues from the past can impact your present relationships, making it challenging to fully engage with others.
Lack of Trust: Trust is essential in building close relationships. If you find it challenging to trust others, you may unconsciously push them away to avoid getting hurt or disappointed.
Overwhelm or Anxiety: The idea of close relationships might feel overwhelming or anxiety-inducing, leading you to create distance as a way to manage those emotions.
Understanding why you push people away is a crucial step in overcoming this behavior. If you find that this pattern is affecting your ability to form meaningful connections, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore the root causes and provide guidance on how to develop healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Additionally, working on building self-awareness and practicing self-compassion can also be beneficial in breaking free from this pattern.