If a friend refuses or doesn't show up for an event and then brings it up again later, it's essential to handle the situation with empathy, open communication, and a willingness to understand their perspective. Here's a suggested approach to deal with the situation:
Stay calm and understanding: Avoid getting defensive or confrontational. Remember that people have their reasons for their actions, and there might be valid explanations for their behavior.
Listen to their reasons: When they bring up the event again, listen attentively to what they have to say. Allow them to explain why they couldn't attend or why they refused initially. Give them the opportunity to express themselves fully without interrupting.
Express your feelings: After they've had a chance to explain, calmly share how their refusal or absence made you feel. Use "I" statements to express your emotions without accusing or blaming them. For example, say, "I felt disappointed and hurt when you didn't come to the event."
Seek clarification: Ask them about their perspective and what may have led to their decision. There might be underlying issues or reasons that you're not aware of, and understanding them can help to resolve any potential misunderstandings.
Be open to forgiveness: If their reasons are legitimate and they genuinely regret their decision, consider offering forgiveness and letting go of any negative feelings. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and relationships thrive on forgiveness and understanding.
Set boundaries: If their behavior becomes a pattern, it's essential to set boundaries to protect your feelings and prevent repeated disappointment. Let them know how their actions have affected you and discuss the importance of keeping commitments.
Communicate expectations: If there are future events you'd like them to attend, communicate your expectations clearly. Ensure they understand the importance of showing up when they commit to something and that it's okay to decline an invitation if they genuinely can't make it.
Assess the friendship: Reflect on the overall dynamics of your friendship. If their behavior is causing you considerable distress or if they continuously disregard your feelings, it might be necessary to evaluate the health of the friendship and whether it's worth continuing.
Remember, each situation is unique, and the most important thing is to approach the conversation with kindness, empathy, and a willingness to listen and understand. This will help you navigate the situation effectively and strengthen your friendship in the long run.