The phrase "I'm not trying to be mean, but…" is a common preface used before delivering a negative or critical comment about another person. The purpose of using this phrase is to soften the impact of the negative statement and to signal that the speaker doesn't intend to hurt the other person's feelings intentionally. It's a way to distance oneself from the perceived negativity and to create a sense of disclaiming any ill intentions.
However, despite the use of this preface, the statement that follows can still be hurtful or critical. It's often used as a social cue to try and minimize the potential negative reaction from the recipient, but it doesn't necessarily make the content of the statement any less negative.
In many cases, people use this phrase as a way of expressing their opinion while attempting to avoid direct confrontation or conflict. Nonetheless, it's essential to be mindful of how our words may affect others, even when using such disclaimers. Being respectful and considerate in our communication is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships.