Handling a situation where you feel your best friend talks about you negatively with her significant other and makes "cheap shots" at you can be challenging, but it's important to address the issue for the sake of your friendship. Here are some steps you can take to handle the situation:
Reflect on your feelings: Before taking any action, take some time to reflect on your feelings and the specific incidents that have made you uncomfortable. Make sure you understand why these actions bother you and how they are affecting your friendship.
Choose the right time and place: Find a suitable time and private setting to talk to your best friend about your concerns. Avoid discussing this in front of others, as it could lead to further complications.
Be honest and direct: When you talk to your friend, be honest and direct about your feelings. Use "I" statements to express how her actions have made you feel. For example, "I feel hurt when I hear that you talk about me negatively with your partner."
Avoid accusations: Try to approach the conversation without being accusatory or confrontational. The goal is to express your feelings and concerns rather than blaming or attacking your friend.
Seek understanding: Encourage open communication by asking your friend about her perspective. She may not be aware of how her actions are affecting you, and hearing her side can help both of you gain a deeper understanding.
Set boundaries: If you feel comfortable doing so, discuss the boundaries you'd like to establish in your friendship. Let her know what kind of discussions or topics you are not comfortable with her sharing with others.
Give her a chance to change: Give your friend the opportunity to make amends and change her behavior. It might take time for her to adjust, but if she values your friendship, she should be willing to make an effort to be more respectful and considerate.
Evaluate the friendship: Take a step back and evaluate the overall health of your friendship. If your friend continues to make cheap shots or doesn't respect your boundaries, it may be necessary to reassess the friendship and determine whether it's still a positive and supportive relationship for you.
Seek support: If the situation becomes emotionally overwhelming, consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor for support and advice.
Remember that open communication and understanding are key to resolving conflicts in any relationship. It's essential to stand up for yourself and ensure that your boundaries are respected in your friendships.