Yes, it is possible for people to be in a relationship with someone who is controlling and manipulative without realizing it. There are several reasons why this can happen:
Gradual escalation: Controlling and manipulative behaviors can start subtly and gradually increase over time. The abusive partner may use tactics such as isolating the person from friends and family, undermining their self-esteem, and exerting control over their decisions. These changes may happen gradually, making it difficult for the person in the relationship to recognize the unhealthy dynamics.
Emotional attachment: If someone is emotionally attached to their partner, they may overlook or rationalize the negative behaviors. They might make excuses for the controlling person, believing that they have their best interests at heart or that the behavior is due to stress or other external factors.
Love and affection mixed with manipulation: Abusive partners may use intermittent reinforcement, alternating between affectionate behavior and controlling/manipulative behavior. This creates a cycle of hope and fear, making it harder for the person to leave the relationship.
Gaslighting: Manipulative individuals often engage in gaslighting, where they distort or deny reality to make the other person doubt their own perceptions or judgment. This can lead the person to question their own feelings and instincts, making it harder for them to recognize the abuse.
Lack of awareness about healthy relationships: Some people may not have been exposed to healthy relationship dynamics or may have grown up in environments where control and manipulation were normalized. As a result, they might not recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Fear of consequences: Controlling partners may use threats or intimidation to prevent the other person from leaving the relationship. This fear of consequences can keep the person trapped in the abusive relationship, making it difficult for them to realize the extent of the manipulation.
Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may be more vulnerable to getting involved in controlling relationships. They might believe they don't deserve better treatment or may fear being alone, making them more likely to tolerate manipulative behavior.
If you suspect that someone you know is in a controlling and manipulative relationship, it's important to approach the situation with empathy and support. Encouraging open communication and offering resources for assistance can be helpful. In extreme cases, professional intervention or counseling might be necessary to help the person recognize and safely navigate the situation.