Addressing this situation politely but firmly is essential to maintain a healthy relationship with the person. Here are some steps to help you communicate your message effectively:
Choose the right time and place: Find an appropriate moment when both of you are relatively relaxed and not in the middle of any stressful situation.
Use "I" statements: Frame your message using "I" statements to express your feelings and concerns without sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I feel uncomfortable when my things are borrowed and not returned," instead of "You always take my stuff and never give it back."
Be specific about the issue: Mention specific instances where your items were borrowed and not returned. This can make your point clearer and demonstrate that it's a recurring problem.
Express understanding: Start by acknowledging that sometimes borrowing things is understandable, but emphasize the importance of returning items promptly.
Set clear boundaries: Politely let the person know that you'd prefer if they ask for permission before borrowing anything in the future. You can say something like, "In the future, I'd appreciate it if you could ask me first before borrowing my things."
Suggest alternatives: If appropriate, you could suggest other alternatives, such as recommending places where they can find similar items or offering to help them borrow from somewhere else.
Offer an explanation: If there's a particular reason why you prefer not to lend your items, share that with them respectfully. For example, you might say, "I'm trying to be more mindful of my belongings because some of them hold sentimental value to me."
Stay calm and assertive: Maintain a calm and composed demeanor throughout the conversation. Being assertive without being aggressive will help you get your message across effectively.
Keep the tone positive: End the conversation on a positive note, reiterating your appreciation for your relationship and their understanding of your boundaries.
Example: "I wanted to talk to you about something that's been on my mind. I've noticed that my things have been borrowed a few times and not returned. I completely understand that sometimes borrowing is necessary, but it would mean a lot to me if you could ask me before taking anything in the future. Some of my belongings hold sentimental value, and I'm trying to be more mindful of them. I hope you understand, and I appreciate your cooperation."
Remember, healthy communication is key to resolving issues without causing any unnecessary strain on your relationship. Be respectful and understanding while being firm about your boundaries, and the chances are that the other person will respond positively to your concerns.