First of all, happy birthday! Birthdays are special occasions to celebrate, and it's natural to want to enjoy the day and spend time with loved ones. Feeling guilty about being at a funeral on your birthday is understandable, as it can be emotionally conflicting.
However, it's essential to recognize that you didn't choose the circumstances, and it's not your fault that the funeral falls on your birthday. Your mom might have had her reasons for attending, and she may have thought it was important to support someone during their difficult time.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions you're experiencing. It's okay to be sad and conflicted. It can be challenging to be present at a funeral while wanting to celebrate your birthday, but remember that emotions are complex, and it's okay to feel a mix of things.
Here are a few suggestions to cope with these conflicting emotions:
Talk to your mom: Share your feelings with your mom. Let her know how you are feeling and why it's difficult for you. Honest communication can lead to a better understanding of each other's emotions.
Take a moment for yourself: If possible, find a quiet moment during the day to reflect and process your feelings. You could take a short walk or find a private space to have some time alone.
Be compassionate towards yourself: Recognize that it's okay to feel this way. You are not being selfish for wanting to celebrate your birthday, and you are not being inconsiderate for feeling sad about the funeral.
Celebrate in a small way: If you have the opportunity, maybe after the funeral, find a way to celebrate your birthday with your family. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but acknowledging your special day can bring some joy amidst the sadness.
Remember the deceased: If you feel up to it, take a moment to honor the memory of the person who passed away. It could be a small prayer or simply thinking about their life and the impact they had.
Seek support: If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, don't hesitate to reach out to someone you trust, such as a friend or family member, and talk about how you're feeling.
Ultimately, feelings are complex, and it's okay to have conflicting emotions. Give yourself the space and time to process them, and don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that it's okay to be sad on your birthday, just as it's okay to be happy on any other day. Celebrate yourself and be kind to yourself during this emotional time.