Feeling guilty after getting angry at someone who has treated you poorly, like your narcissist sister in this case, is a common emotional response. There are several reasons why you might experience this guilt:
Family dynamics: Family relationships can be complex and emotionally charged. Even when someone mistreats us, we might feel guilty for reacting negatively because of the strong ties we have with our family members.
Empathy and compassion: Despite the hurtful behavior of your sister, you might still feel empathy and compassion towards her. This can make you feel guilty for getting angry, as you might worry about hurting her feelings or retaliating in a way that you perceive as inappropriate.
Gaslighting and manipulation: Narcissists are known for using manipulation and gaslighting techniques to make others feel guilty or responsible for their actions. They may twist the situation to make you feel like you're the one in the wrong, which can lead to feelings of guilt even when you have a valid reason to be upset.
Fear of conflict: Some people feel uncomfortable with conflict and confrontation, and when they do express anger, they may experience guilt afterward.
Cultural or societal norms: In some cultures or environments, expressing anger or standing up for yourself can be seen as unacceptable or "unladylike," leading to feelings of guilt for not conforming to these norms.
Self-doubt: Dealing with a narcissistic individual can erode your self-confidence and make you doubt your emotions and reactions. This self-doubt can contribute to feelings of guilt.
It's essential to recognize that feeling anger in response to hurtful behavior is a natural and valid emotional response. It is not wrong to be upset or angry when someone treats you poorly. However, managing these emotions in a healthy way is essential for your well-being.
Here are some strategies to help you cope with these feelings of guilt:
Validate your emotions: Remind yourself that it's okay to feel angry or hurt in response to mistreatment.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your sister to protect yourself from further harm. This might include limiting contact or having a conversation about acceptable behavior.
Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings and experiences. Having a supportive network can help you process your emotions and gain perspective.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that you are doing your best in a challenging situation.
Learn about narcissism: Understanding narcissism and its effects can help you navigate interactions with your sister more effectively and reduce feelings of guilt.
Consider professional help: If your sister's behavior is causing significant distress, consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional who can provide specific strategies for coping with the situation.
Remember, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and emotional health. Setting boundaries and addressing toxic dynamics in relationships is an act of self-care, not something to feel guilty about.