A narcissist's behavior can sometimes appear to suddenly change to pleasant for various reasons, but it's essential to understand that this change is often not genuine or sustainable. Instead, it is likely a strategic manipulation tactic employed by the narcissist to achieve specific goals or to maintain control in their relationships. Here are some reasons why a narcissist's behavior might seem to shift to pleasant temporarily:
Love Bombing: In the early stages of a relationship or when trying to win someone over, narcissists may engage in love bombing. This involves showering the other person with excessive affection, compliments, and attention to make them feel special and loved. It's a tactic used to quickly create a strong emotional bond and dependency.
Hoovering: After a period of devaluation or discard, narcissists may attempt to "hoover" their former partners back into the relationship. They might suddenly act pleasant, remorseful, or promise to change as a way to lure the person back under their control.
Maintaining Control: Narcissists are driven by a need for control and dominance in their relationships. By acting pleasant, they can keep others off guard and manipulate them more effectively.
Social Image: Narcissists often care deeply about their public image and may act pleasant in public or around others to appear charming and likable. They want to be admired and seen as the "good guy" in social situations.
Getting What They Want: When a narcissist wants something from someone, they may turn on the charm to manipulate the person into giving them what they desire. Once they achieve their goal, they may revert to their usual self-centered behavior.
Mirroring: Narcissists are skilled at mirroring the behaviors and interests of others, especially during the idealization phase of a relationship. This makes their targets feel like they have found a perfect match.
Emotional Manipulation: A narcissist may use intermittent reinforcement, where they alternate between pleasant and unpleasant behaviors, to keep their targets emotionally hooked and unsure about where they stand.
It's important to recognize that a narcissist's pleasant behavior is typically not a genuine change or a sign of personal growth. Instead, it is part of their manipulative arsenal to maintain control, extract what they want, or regain someone's trust. Genuine change in narcissistic behavior is rare and requires intensive and long-term therapy, which most narcissists are unlikely to seek due to their inherent resistance to recognizing their flaws.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the complexities of the relationship and support your emotional healing.