It's not uncommon to develop feelings of love or attachment towards someone, even after making the difficult decision to remove them from your life. There could be several reasons why you are experiencing this.
Emotional Bond: As best friends, you likely shared a deep emotional connection. Cutting off that connection suddenly can leave a void in your life, and your feelings of love might be a reflection of that missing bond.
Nostalgia: The memories and experiences you had with your best friend may be flooding back, causing you to feel sentimental and nostalgic. These emotions can make you miss the positive aspects of your relationship and emphasize the good times you shared.
Unresolved Feelings: It's possible that your feelings for your best friend were already developing before you kicked them out of your life. Suppressing or denying these feelings can intensify them over time.
Regret: Making a decision to end a friendship can be emotionally taxing, especially if you feel that it was done impulsively or under difficult circumstances. Regret can amplify your feelings of love as you start to question your decision.
Fear of Loss: The act of cutting someone out of your life might have triggered a fear of losing them completely, which can manifest as feelings of love or a desire to rekindle the connection.
Idealization: After parting ways, you might be idealizing your best friend and remembering only their positive qualities, while overlooking any negative aspects of the relationship that may have led to the decision to end the friendship.
Comparison with Others: Comparing new people you meet to your former best friend might lead to a realization that you had a unique and special bond with them, further fueling your feelings of love.
If you find yourself in this situation, it's essential to take some time for self-reflection. Consider why you made the decision to end the friendship in the first place and whether it was the right choice for your well-being. Remember that it's natural to have feelings for someone you were close to, but it doesn't necessarily mean you should act on those emotions or try to rekindle the relationship.
If you're struggling to cope with these feelings, seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be beneficial. Talking through your emotions can help you gain clarity and find healthier ways to move forward.