It's understandable that witnessing your friend's suffering during childbirth can be distressing and might affect your feelings towards the baby initially. However, it's essential to recognize that the baby is not responsible for their mother's pain, and they deserve love and care just like any other child. Here are some suggestions on how to treat your friend's children with compassion:
Be patient with yourself: It's okay to have mixed emotions or find it challenging to connect with the baby at first. Give yourself time to process your feelings and don't be too hard on yourself.
Respect their space: After childbirth, both the mother and the baby need time to rest and recover. Respect their privacy and avoid overwhelming them with frequent visits or demands for attention.
Offer practical help: Instead of focusing solely on the baby, offer your friend some practical support. Help with household chores, run errands, or cook meals for them, which can alleviate some of the stress they may be experiencing.
Educate yourself: Learn about newborn care and development. Understanding the needs of infants can help you feel more comfortable and confident around the baby.
Express your feelings to your friend (if appropriate): If you have a close and trusting relationship with your friend, it may be helpful to express your feelings in a kind and understanding manner. Let them know that you care about them and their child, but you might need some time to adjust.
Find common ground: As the baby grows and develops a personality, you might find it easier to connect with them. Engage in activities with the child that you both enjoy, such as playing games or reading books.
Be supportive: Offer emotional support to your friend during this new phase of their life. Being there for your friend can create a stronger bond and indirectly help you develop a connection with the baby too.
Seek professional help (if needed): If you find that your feelings persist and interfere with your ability to engage with the child or your friend, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor. They can help you work through your emotions and find healthier ways to cope.
Remember that forming a bond with a child takes time, and it's okay to have a range of emotions. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate these feelings, and focus on supporting your friend during this significant life event. With time, you may find that your feelings toward the baby change and grow.