Feeling weird or uncomfortable when using gender-neutral pronouns like "they/them" to refer to a friend is not uncommon, especially if you're not used to using these pronouns regularly. This discomfort can stem from several reasons:
Familiarity: Most people have grown up using binary gender pronouns (he/she), so using gender-neutral pronouns may feel unfamiliar or unnatural at first.
Social Norms: Society often enforces traditional gender norms, which can make it challenging to adapt to new language and pronoun usage. Breaking away from these norms can trigger discomfort as it challenges the status quo.
Fear of Offending: Some individuals may worry about using the wrong pronouns and potentially offending or hurting their friend. This fear can lead to hesitation and uncertainty when using gender-neutral pronouns.
Mental Processing: Changing ingrained language patterns requires mental effort. It may take time to adjust and incorporate gender-neutral pronouns smoothly in your speech.
Personal Bias: Unconscious biases can influence our perceptions and reactions to different aspects of life, including language usage. Recognizing and addressing these biases can help overcome discomfort.
Lack of Exposure: If you haven't encountered gender-neutral pronouns often, it might take time to become accustomed to their usage.
To overcome this discomfort and show respect to your friend's pronouns, consider the following steps:
Practice: Start using gender-neutral pronouns more often when referring to your friend, both in your thoughts and conversations. The more you practice, the more comfortable it will become.
Educate Yourself: Learn about non-binary identities and the importance of using correct pronouns. Understanding the significance behind gender-neutral pronouns can help you appreciate their importance and why they matter to your friend.
Normalize Mistakes: It's okay to make mistakes as you learn. If you slip up and use the wrong pronoun, apologize and correct yourself. Be kind to yourself and others in the process.
Be Supportive: Let your friend know that you are committed to using their preferred pronouns and that you are working on becoming more comfortable with it.
Seek Guidance: If you find it challenging to adjust, consider talking to your friend about your feelings or seeking support from LGBTQ+ resources or organizations.
Remember, adapting to new language and pronoun usage takes time, but being respectful and supportive of your friend's identity is crucial for maintaining a healthy and inclusive friendship.