It can be frustrating when someone doesn't listen to your requests or boundaries, especially when it comes to topics that make you uncomfortable. There could be various reasons why your best friend isn't heeding your request to stop talking about her boyfriend and calling him when you are out together:
Habit: Your friend might be so used to talking about her boyfriend and involving him in her activities that it has become a habit. Breaking established habits can be challenging, and it might take time for her to adjust her behavior.
Excitement: If she's in a new or exciting relationship, she might be eager to share every detail with you, even if it's unintentionally making you uncomfortable. She might not realize the extent to which it affects you.
Emotional Attachment: Your friend might have a strong emotional attachment to her boyfriend and finds it difficult to separate her personal life from her time with you. This attachment could be clouding her judgment about your boundaries.
Misunderstanding: Perhaps your friend doesn't fully grasp the impact her behavior has on you. It's possible that she doesn't understand how serious you are about this request or how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
Fear of Losing Connection: She might fear that by not sharing details about her boyfriend or involving him in your outings, the dynamic of your friendship could change, and she may lose the closeness she values.
Communication Styles: People have different communication styles and preferences. Your friend might be more inclined to share personal aspects of her life, while you prefer to keep certain topics separate from your outings.
Prioritizing Her Needs: Your friend might prioritize her own desires to talk about her boyfriend and involve him in social interactions because it fulfills her emotional needs, even if it means disregarding your feelings temporarily.
It's important to approach the situation with understanding and empathy. Here are some steps you can take:
Have a Calm Conversation: Talk to your friend again, but this time in a calm and non-confrontational manner. Explain to her how her behavior makes you feel and why it's important to you that certain topics are off-limits during your time together.
Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations for your interactions. Make sure she understands how crucial it is for you to have this boundary respected.
Be Patient: Changing habits and behaviors takes time. Give your friend some space to adjust her actions. Remind her gently if she slips back into old habits.
Find Compromises: If she's finding it hard to completely avoid the topic of her boyfriend, suggest finding specific times to discuss it or setting aside some time to catch up on their relationship separately from your outings.
Respect Her Perspective: While you want your boundaries respected, also try to understand her perspective and reasons for her behavior. Open communication goes both ways.
Consider Your Reactions: Reflect on how you react when she brings up her boyfriend. If you show a lot of frustration or annoyance, she might be hesitant to share her thoughts with you, even when it's appropriate.
Remember, true friendship is built on mutual understanding and respect. If your friend values your friendship, she should be willing to take your feelings into consideration and make an effort to respect your boundaries. However, keep in mind that friendships also require patience and compromise from both sides.