Dealing with a friend who only reaches out when they need something can be frustrating and can make you feel used or taken advantage of. Here are some steps you can take to address this situation:
Reflect on the friendship: Take some time to reflect on the overall dynamics of the friendship. Consider whether this behavior of reaching out only when they need something is a recent occurrence or a consistent pattern. Assess how the friendship makes you feel and whether it's a healthy and balanced relationship.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for yourself and the friendship. Let your friend know that you value the relationship but that you expect it to be a two-way street. Communicate that you'd appreciate more regular and meaningful communication, not just when they need something. Be assertive but also understanding in your approach.
Communicate your feelings: Have an open and honest conversation with your friend about how you feel. Choose a non-confrontational moment to discuss your concerns, and express your feelings in a non-accusatory manner. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding judgmental. For example, say, "I've noticed that we mostly talk when you need something, and it makes me feel like our friendship is one-sided."
Express your needs: Let your friend know what you need from the friendship. Explain that you'd like more frequent and balanced communication, where you can both support each other and share experiences beyond just favors.
Observe their response: Pay attention to how your friend reacts to your concerns. Are they understanding and willing to change their behavior, or do they dismiss your feelings? Their response can give you insight into whether the friendship is worth continuing or if it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Be mindful of your response: If your friend acknowledges their behavior and agrees to change, give them a chance to do so. But also be mindful of whether they follow through with their promises.
Learn to say no: If your friend consistently asks for favors without reciprocating, it's essential to learn to say no when you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. Setting healthy boundaries also involves knowing when to decline requests.
Focus on other relationships: While it's essential to address this issue with your friend, it's also beneficial to nurture other friendships where there's a more balanced give-and-take.
Be prepared to let go: If your friend continues the same behavior despite your efforts to address the issue, you might need to reevaluate the friendship. Sometimes, despite your best intentions, not all friendships are meant to last, especially if they are consistently one-sided and draining.
Remember, a true friendship is built on mutual respect, trust, and support. If your friend is genuinely interested in maintaining a meaningful connection, they will be receptive to your concerns and make an effort to change their behavior. However, if the pattern persists, it's okay to move on and focus on nurturing friendships that are more fulfilling and balanced.