When friends are mad at each other, it can be a delicate situation for third-party friends who want to help. Here are some guidelines on what not to say and what you can say to support resolution:
What NOT to say:
Taking Sides: Avoid taking sides or placing blame on one friend over the other. This can escalate tensions and make the situation worse.
Gossiping: Refrain from gossiping about the issue with others. It's essential to respect the privacy of your friends and not spread rumors or details that could further damage their relationship.
Invalidating Feelings: Don't dismiss or invalidate their feelings. Saying things like "It's not a big deal" or "You're overreacting" can make them feel unheard and upset.
Fueling Anger: Avoid adding fuel to the fire by encouraging anger or negativity toward the other friend.
Forcing Reconciliation: Never pressure them to reconcile immediately. Resolving conflicts takes time, and pushing them together may backfire.
What you CAN say to help resolve the issue:
Listen Empathetically: Offer a listening ear and allow each friend to express their feelings and perspectives without judgment.
Remain Neutral: Be supportive without taking sides. Acknowledge that their feelings are valid and that you hope they can work things out.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage open communication between them by asking questions that promote understanding, such as "How did this make you feel?" or "What do you think caused the misunderstanding?"
Offer a Different Perspective: If appropriate, gently offer a different viewpoint to help them see the situation from another angle.
Suggest Communication: Encourage them to talk directly to each other about the issue rather than through intermediaries. Honest and respectful communication is key to resolving conflicts.
Mediation (If Appropriate): If both parties are open to it, you could offer to mediate a conversation to facilitate communication and understanding.
Respect Their Decision: Ultimately, respect their autonomy in handling the situation. If they need space or time apart, honor their wishes.
Maintain Confidentiality: If one friend confides in you about their feelings, respect their trust and keep the conversation confidential.
Remember, resolving conflicts between friends is ultimately up to them. Your role as a third-party friend is to be a supportive and understanding presence, offering guidance when asked and encouraging healthy communication. If the situation seems to escalate or become unmanageable, you can suggest they seek professional help or counseling to work through their issues.