Being the "golden child" in a family dynamic where there is a "scapegoat" can be a challenging and complex experience. It's important to remember that family dynamics are highly individual and can vary widely, so not all situations will be the same. Here are some common ways the "golden child" might deal with being the favored child in such a family:
Guilt and responsibility: The golden child may feel guilty about receiving preferential treatment while their sibling, the scapegoat, experiences negative attention and blame. They might also feel a sense of responsibility for their sibling's struggles.
Pressure to perform: Being the favored child can lead to high expectations and pressure to always succeed and meet the family's demands.
Tension and rivalry: Sibling rivalry can be intensified in this dynamic, as the scapegoat might resent the golden child for receiving special treatment and attention.
Emotional burden: The golden child may feel burdened by the role they play in the family and may struggle with feelings of being controlled or manipulated.
Fear of losing favor: The fear of losing their status as the favored child might lead to anxiety and an inability to express their true feelings or desires.
Lack of emotional support: The golden child might receive praise and attention for achievements but may lack emotional support and validation for their true feelings and struggles.
Difficulty with self-identity: The role of the golden child can overshadow their individuality, leading to difficulty in developing a strong sense of self.
Long-term effects: As adults, the golden child may face challenges in forming healthy relationships, setting boundaries, and dealing with criticism or failure.
If you identify as the golden child in such a family dynamic, consider the following steps to cope and find a healthier balance:
Acknowledge your feelings: Recognize and validate your emotions. It's okay to have conflicting feelings about the situation.
Seek support: Confide in a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to talk about your experiences and feelings.
Set boundaries: Establish and communicate your boundaries with family members, making it clear what you are comfortable with and what you are not.
Encourage family therapy: Suggest the idea of family therapy to address underlying issues and improve communication within the family.
Foster empathy and understanding: Try to put yourself in your sibling's shoes and develop empathy for their experiences.
Focus on personal growth: Cultivate your own interests, hobbies, and passions outside of the family dynamic to strengthen your sense of self.
Seek individual therapy: If needed, consider seeking individual therapy to explore the impact of your family role on your life and relationships.
Remember that healing family dynamics takes time and effort from all members involved. It may be beneficial for the entire family to work together to address the underlying issues and create a more balanced and supportive environment for everyone.