Deciding whether to call your dad's new spouse "mom" is a personal and individual choice. There is no right or wrong answer, and it depends on your comfort level and the nature of your relationship with her.
Here are some considerations to help you make your decision:
Communication: Talk to your dad's new spouse about how you feel and what you are comfortable with. She may have her own preferences as well. Open communication can help both of you understand each other's feelings and expectations.
Respect: If you have a positive relationship with your dad's spouse and feel comfortable calling her "mom," it can be a way to show respect and acceptance of her role in your family. However, if you're not comfortable with it, you can find other ways to show respect without using the title "mom."
Existing relationship: Consider the existing relationship you have with her. If you've known her for a long time or have developed a close bond, you may naturally feel inclined to call her "mom."
Emotional attachment: The title "mom" typically carries a strong emotional connotation. If you feel emotionally attached to your biological or adoptive mother and calling someone else "mom" feels awkward or disloyal, it's okay to stick with their first name or use a term that feels more suitable to you.
Blended family dynamics: Blending families can be a delicate process, and it's essential to respect everyone's feelings. Sometimes, stepparents and stepchildren come up with unique terms that work for their particular family dynamics.
Time: You don't have to rush into making a decision. Take your time to observe and understand your feelings towards your dad's spouse. As your relationship evolves, your feelings may also change.
Remember, what matters most is the quality of the relationship you have with your dad's spouse and how you both treat each other with kindness and respect. The title you use is secondary to the love and care you show each other. There is no single right answer, so do what feels most natural and comfortable for you.