It's important to remember that every individual and relationship is unique, so I can't provide a specific answer without knowing the specific details of the situation. However, I can offer some general insights that may shed light on why your ex-narcissist may appear to have difficulty controlling his new girlfriend.
Narcissistic tendencies may not be immediately apparent: Narcissists often present their best selves early in a relationship to charm and manipulate their partner. As the relationship progresses, their controlling and manipulative behaviors may become more evident. It's possible that your ex-narcissist is still in the early stages of the relationship, and his controlling tendencies may not have fully emerged yet.
Different dynamics in the new relationship: Each relationship has its unique dynamics, and the power balance between partners can vary. The new girlfriend may have different personality traits, life experiences, or boundaries that make it harder for the narcissist to assert control.
Learning from past mistakes: The narcissist might have learned from past experiences, including the end of your relationship, and may be adjusting his tactics to avoid repeating the same mistakes. This doesn't mean he has changed fundamentally, but he might be more cautious or subtle in his manipulation.
Overlapping control tactics: The narcissist might be using different tactics to control his new girlfriend that are not immediately apparent to you or others. Control can manifest in various ways, including emotional manipulation, gaslighting, financial control, or isolating the partner from friends and family.
The illusion of control: Narcissists often thrive on the illusion of control and power. They might present an image of being in control, but behind closed doors, the dynamics might be different. It's essential not to judge a relationship solely based on outward appearances.
Independence and boundaries of the new girlfriend: The new girlfriend might be more independent, assertive, or have stronger boundaries than you did. Such qualities can make it challenging for a narcissist to maintain complete control over their partner.
Lack of investment: Narcissists may not invest the same level of emotional energy in their new relationships as they do in the beginning stages. As the relationship progresses, the intensity of their controlling behavior may decrease.
It's important to recognize that being in a relationship with a narcissist is unhealthy and harmful. Whether or not the new girlfriend appears to be under his control, it's essential to focus on your own healing and well-being. If you suspect that someone you care about might be in an abusive relationship, it's crucial to approach the situation with empathy and offer support if and when they are ready to seek help.