Yes, it is entirely normal to feel bad, miss, or have mixed emotions about an ex, even if they were a covert narcissist, while trying to implement no contact. Ending a relationship, especially with someone who may have displayed narcissistic traits, can be a challenging and emotionally taxing experience.
Here are some reasons why you might be experiencing these emotions:
Trauma Bonding: Narcissists often create strong emotional bonds, and it can be challenging to break away from this trauma bonding even after the relationship ends. This can lead to feelings of missing the person or longing for the initial idealized version of the relationship.
Familiarity: You may be missing the familiarity of the relationship, even if it was toxic, as it provided a sense of routine and stability, especially if you were together for a long time.
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists often cycle between idealization and devaluation of their partners. During the idealization phase, they make you feel loved and special, which can create a strong emotional attachment that lingers even after the relationship ends.
Guilt and Self-Doubt: Narcissists often manipulate their partners into feeling responsible for the relationship's problems and may instill self-doubt. This can lead to guilt or questioning your decision to go no contact.
Loneliness: The absence of the relationship may leave you feeling lonely and longing for companionship, even if the relationship was unhealthy.
False Hope: Narcissists can be adept at giving false hope or making promises to lure you back into the relationship, which can lead to moments of weakness and second-guessing.
Remember that going no contact with a narcissistic ex is a vital step in reclaiming your emotional well-being and moving toward healing. It's essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings but also remind yourself of the reasons why you initiated no contact in the first place. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate through this challenging phase and reinforce your decision to prioritize your emotional health and happiness.
Keep in mind that healing from a relationship with a narcissist takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself and focus on personal growth and self-care as you move forward. Over time, as you continue to implement no contact and work on healing, these feelings will likely diminish, and you'll be better positioned to build healthier relationships in the future.