Wanting to get back with a narcissistic ex, even though you know you weren't treated well, is a complex and challenging situation that many people find themselves in after a toxic relationship. It's essential to understand that there is nothing inherently wrong with you for feeling this way. It's a common response to the dynamics of a toxic relationship and the manipulative tactics often employed by narcissistic individuals. Here are some reasons why you might feel this way:
Trauma Bonding: Narcissists often use a tactic called "trauma bonding" to create a strong emotional attachment to their victims. This bond is challenging to break, and you may find yourself longing for the person who caused you pain.
Idealization Phase: At the beginning of the relationship, narcissists often put on a charming and idealized version of themselves, making you feel special and loved. You might be yearning for the person you thought they were during this phase.
Intermittent Reinforcement: Narcissists can create a cycle of abuse and reward, where they intermittently provide affection, love, or positive attention, making it difficult for you to let go completely.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to make their victims doubt their own perceptions, feelings, and memories. You may question whether the mistreatment was as bad as you remember or even blame yourself for the problems in the relationship.
Fear of Loneliness: Leaving a relationship, even a toxic one, can be scary, especially if it means facing loneliness or uncertainty about the future.
Low Self-Esteem: Narcissists often target individuals with low self-esteem who may believe they don't deserve better treatment or love.
Hope for Change: You may hold on to the hope that the narcissist will change or return to being the person you initially fell in love with.
Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists may use abandonment fears to control their victims, making it hard to break free from the relationship.
It's important to recognize that being in a relationship with a narcissist can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being, and the desire to go back may not be in your best interest. If you find yourself struggling with these feelings, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a non-judgmental perspective and help you work through the complexities of your emotions.
Remember that healing from a toxic relationship takes time and self-compassion. Surround yourself with supportive and understanding people, focus on self-care, and prioritize your emotional well-being. In time, you can find healthier and more fulfilling relationships with individuals who treat you with the love and respect you deserve.