Feeling a mix of emotions after the passing of a narcissist ex-partner is not uncommon and can be quite complex. It's important to remember that everyone's experiences and relationships are unique, but there are several common reasons why you might be feeling this way:
Trauma bonding: Narcissists often create a strong emotional bond with their partners through manipulation and intermittent reinforcement. This can result in a trauma bond, where even though the relationship was toxic and harmful, you may still feel emotionally attached to the person who caused you pain.
Idealization: Narcissists often start relationships by idealizing their partners, making them feel special and loved. When the idealization phase ends, the emotional rollercoaster may continue, causing you to miss the initial feelings of being adored and valued.
Grief and loss: Despite the negative aspects of the relationship, there may have been positive and loving moments as well. The loss of a person you once shared your life with can trigger feelings of grief and sadness.
Unfinished business: If the relationship ended abruptly or if there were unresolved issues, you might find yourself struggling to come to terms with the fact that you can never get closure or resolution from the ex-partner due to their passing.
Self-blame and guilt: Narcissists often manipulate their partners into feeling responsible for their actions or shortcomings. After their passing, you might be grappling with feelings of guilt or questioning whether you could have done more to help them.
Fear of being alone: Narcissists can create a dependency in their partners, making it difficult for them to imagine life without the narcissist. The fear of being alone or facing the unknown can intensify the feelings of missing them.
Nostalgia: Memories of the early stages of the relationship or selective recall of positive moments can create a sense of nostalgia that clouds the negative aspects of the relationship.
It's crucial to recognize that missing someone doesn't necessarily mean you wish to be back in the toxic relationship. Emotions can be confusing and contradictory, and grieving the loss of a person, even an abusive one, is a natural part of the healing process. It might be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide guidance in moving forward in a healthy and healing way.