Seeking validation from others and feeling the need to be in good terms with everyone can stem from various underlying factors, including psychological, social, and emotional aspects. Here are some possible reasons why you might be experiencing these feelings:
Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem often seek validation from others to feel worthy and accepted. If you don't feel confident in your own abilities or value, you might rely on external validation to feel better about yourself.
Fear of rejection: The fear of being rejected or disliked can drive you to maintain good terms with everyone. You might be afraid that if someone doesn't like you or disapproves of you, it means you are inadequate or not good enough.
Social conditioning: From a young age, we are taught to seek approval and validation from authority figures like parents, teachers, and peers. This conditioning can carry into adulthood, making it difficult to break the pattern of seeking validation from others.
Need for belongingness: Humans are social beings, and a strong desire for social connection and belongingness is natural. Wanting to be in good terms with everyone could be an attempt to foster positive relationships and avoid conflict or isolation.
Anxiety or people-pleasing tendencies: Anxiety can play a significant role in seeking validation. You may fear negative judgments or confrontations, leading you to prioritize others' approval over your own needs and desires.
Lack of assertiveness: If you struggle with assertiveness, you might find it challenging to stand up for yourself or express your opinions and boundaries. Seeking validation can be a way to avoid confrontation or discomfort.
Past experiences: Past experiences of rejection or negative social interactions could shape your current behavior. You might be trying to avoid repeating those experiences by seeking constant validation and approval.
Comparisons and social media: Social media and societal comparisons can exacerbate the need for validation. Seeing others' seemingly perfect lives on social media can make you feel inadequate or unworthy.
Overcoming the constant need for validation and the desire to be in good terms with everyone is a process that involves self-awareness and self-compassion. Here are some steps you can take to work on this:
Build self-awareness: Reflect on why you seek validation from others. Understanding the root causes can help you address them more effectively.
Challenge negative thoughts: Recognize and challenge negative thoughts about yourself. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you don't need to be perfect or liked by everyone.
Develop self-esteem: Focus on building your self-esteem and self-confidence. Celebrate your accomplishments and strengths, and learn to accept yourself, flaws, and all.
Set boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries with others and prioritize your own needs. It's okay to say no and assert your preferences.
Seek internal validation: Shift your focus from seeking external validation to recognizing your own worth and validation. Base your self-worth on your values and personal growth.
Practice assertiveness: Work on expressing your thoughts, feelings, and desires assertively. This can help you feel more in control of your life and interactions.
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