Feeling like "s*hit" after breaking the no contact rule is a common emotional response, and it's not uncommon for people to experience a range of negative emotions in such situations. Here are some reasons why you might be feeling this way:
Emotional Vulnerability: No contact rules are often put in place to protect oneself from emotional pain or to gain distance from a past relationship. When you break this rule, it can leave you feeling emotionally vulnerable again, especially if the interaction didn't go as you had hoped or if it rekindled old feelings.
Regret and Guilt: Breaking the no contact rule may lead to feelings of regret and guilt, especially if you initiated contact without fully considering the potential consequences. You might feel like you've taken a step backward in your healing process, and that can be disheartening.
Uncertainty: Reaching out to someone after a period of no contact can create uncertainty about the future of the relationship. You might be unsure of the other person's feelings or intentions, which can lead to anxiety and stress.
Disappointment: If your expectations weren't met or the interaction didn't go as well as you had hoped, it can be disappointing and make you feel worse.
Loss of Progress: If you were starting to feel better or gain some emotional distance during the no contact period, breaking the rule might feel like you've lost the progress you had made.
Attachment and Longing: Breaking the no contact rule can reignite feelings of attachment and longing for the other person, making it harder to move on.
Overthinking: After breaking the no contact rule, you may find yourself overthinking the situation, replaying the interaction in your mind, and analyzing every detail, which can contribute to feeling worse.
Self-Criticism: You might criticize yourself for not having enough self-control or for giving in to your emotions, leading to feelings of self-doubt and disappointment.
It's essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings in this situation. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, but also try to practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Going forward, consider reestablishing the no contact rule to give yourself the space and time needed for healing and personal growth.
If you find that these feelings persist or become overwhelming, seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be beneficial in processing your emotions and finding healthier ways to cope. Remember that healing from a breakup or a challenging relationship takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks along the way. Be patient with yourself and focus on your well-being.