I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a painful experience with childhood bullies. Experiencing bullying during childhood can leave lasting emotional scars, and it's entirely understandable that it has had a profound impact on your life and decisions.
Many people who have endured bullying during their formative years may struggle with forgiveness and trust issues. The emotional wounds caused by bullying can be deep and challenging to heal. Deciding not to have children due to your experiences is a personal choice, and it's not uncommon for people to make decisions about parenthood based on their past traumas or experiences.
It's essential to acknowledge that everyone's journey and response to trauma are unique. Some people might find healing through therapy or support groups, while others may cope by making life choices that prioritize their emotional well-being and avoid potential triggers.
If you find that your past experiences are still significantly impacting your life and happiness, it could be beneficial to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Talking to a mental health professional can provide a safe space to process your feelings, work on forgiveness (if you wish to explore that), and find healthier ways to cope with the lingering effects of bullying.
Remember that it's okay to take the time you need to heal, and healing is a gradual process. Surrounding yourself with supportive and understanding individuals can also be beneficial as you navigate your feelings and life decisions.
Ultimately, the decision about having children is deeply personal and should be made based on what feels right for you and your emotional well-being. There is no right or wrong answer to this, and it's essential to prioritize your happiness and emotional health as you move forward in life.