Handling triggers and difficult interactions with a parent can be incredibly challenging, especially when there is a history of trauma involved. It's important to remember that healing from past traumas is a complex process, and both you and your mother may be carrying emotional wounds that affect your interactions. Here are some steps you can take to navigate this situation:
Self-awareness and Self-compassion: Recognize when you are being triggered and experiencing strong emotions. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging that it's okay to have these feelings, given the history of trauma. Be kind to yourself as you work through these emotions.
Understand Your Triggers: Take some time to understand why your mother's comments trigger you. Recognize that her comparing you to your father may tap into unresolved issues from the past, including the trauma you experienced as a family.
Choose the Right Time to Talk: If you decide to address the issue with your mother, choose a calm and appropriate time to discuss your feelings. Avoid doing it during moments of high tension or conflict.
Use "I" Statements: When you talk to your mother, use "I" statements to express your feelings and experiences without blaming or accusing. For example, say, "I feel hurt when you compare me to Dad because it reminds me of the past trauma."
Set Boundaries: If your mother's comments are too distressing, consider setting boundaries to protect your well-being. Let her know that you won't engage in discussions or interactions that involve such comparisons.
Seek Support from Others: Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about your feelings and experiences. Having support from others who understand can be validating and helpful.
Practice Active Listening: If your mother is open to discussing the issue, actively listen to her perspective without judgment. Try to understand her feelings and experiences as well, as this can help foster empathy and open communication.
Encourage Professional Help: Suggest the idea of seeking family therapy or individual therapy for both of you to work through unresolved trauma and improve communication.
Accept Limitations: Recognize that changing deeply ingrained habits takes time and effort. Your mother may not be able to stop immediately, and it's essential to be patient as she works on her own healing journey.
Focus on Self-care: Prioritize self-care to manage stress and emotional distress. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and help you feel grounded.
Educate Yourself: Learn more about trauma, its effects on individuals and families, and how it can impact relationships. Education can provide insight and understanding that may be helpful in navigating these challenging situations.
Remember that your mother's behavior is not a reflection of your worth or character. It's about her own struggles and coping mechanisms. While you can encourage healthier interactions and communication, ultimately, you can only control your own responses and actions. Take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being as you work through the complexities of healing from trauma and managing challenging family dynamics.