It's not uncommon for people to be attracted to certain personality types or behaviors that can inadvertently lead to challenging relationship dynamics. Let's break down some potential reasons why you might find yourself attracted to guys with Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) traits or those who are quiet and don't share much information:
Familiarity: Sometimes, our attractions are influenced by past experiences or early relationships. If you grew up in an environment where someone close to you exhibited avoidant behavior or were emotionally distant, you might unconsciously be drawn to similar individuals as adults.
Need for Connection: Some people are drawn to those who seem mysterious or hard to get, as it can create a sense of challenge or excitement. However, this attraction can lead to frustration when the person remains emotionally distant, making it difficult to form a genuine, intimate connection.
Empathy and Caretaker Traits: People who are empathetic and compassionate may be naturally drawn to others who seem to be struggling or in need of support. This inclination can lead to trying to "fix" or help someone with AvPD tendencies, even if it becomes emotionally draining.
Desire for Validation: For some, the pursuit of someone who is less available or forthcoming may stem from a desire to prove their worthiness or ability to win someone over. This validation-seeking behavior can lead to pursuing relationships with people who may not be emotionally ready for a commitment.
Now, let's address the pattern of relationships failing when the person pulls back:
Incompatible Attachment Styles: If you have an anxious attachment style (feeling the need for constant closeness and reassurance) and are attracted to individuals with avoidant attachment styles (being uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and pulling away when things get too close), it can lead to a cycle of pursuing and distancing behaviors that make sustaining a healthy relationship challenging.
Emotional Availability: Individuals with AvPD or those who are emotionally guarded may struggle to provide the emotional intimacy and connection necessary for a successful relationship. This can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration.
To break this pattern, it's essential to recognize these attraction patterns and understand the reasons behind them. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you explore your past experiences, attachment styles, and relationship patterns. By understanding yourself better and developing healthier relationship expectations, you can work towards forming more fulfilling and sustainable connections with others. Additionally, practicing self-compassion and setting boundaries in relationships can also contribute to healthier dynamics.