Question

Why is it that when we were together a part of me wanted to leave but now that we’ve been apart for over a year I miss need him every day? Does it make me a narcissist for wanting to reach out when I was the one to cut contact? The ache doesn’t stop

Answer 1

The feelings you are experiencing are complex and not necessarily indicative of narcissism. It's essential to understand that human emotions can be fluid and change over time, and it's normal to have mixed feelings about past relationships, especially if they were significant.

There are several possible explanations for the emotions you're going through:

1. Nostalgia: When we look back on past relationships, we tend to remember the positive aspects and good times, leading to feelings of nostalgia. This can make you miss the person and the connection you once had.

2. Emotional Attachment: Even if you were the one to cut contact, it doesn't mean that your emotional attachment to the person disappeared immediately. Emotional bonds can take time to fade, and you might still miss the emotional support or companionship you once had.

3. Growth and Reflection: Being apart from someone can give you time to reflect on the relationship and its impact on your life. You might be feeling a stronger desire to reach out because you've grown and changed as a person during this time, and you want to reconnect with the updated version of yourself and the other person.

4. Loneliness or Unresolved Feelings: Sometimes, the desire to reach out to an ex-partner can stem from feelings of loneliness or unresolved issues. The absence of their presence might amplify these emotions.

5. Idealization: When we're away from someone for an extended period, we might start idealizing them or the relationship, forgetting about the challenges and reasons for the breakup.

It's important to remember that wanting to reach out doesn't make you a narcissist. Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of empathy and an inflated sense of self-importance. It doesn't seem to be applicable in this context.

If you find that the ache and longing are persistent and affecting your well-being, it might be helpful to talk to a mental health professional about your feelings. They can provide you with guidance and support as you navigate through these emotions and help you gain clarity on what you truly want in your life moving forward.