It's important to note that discussing personal experiences and emotions with a mental health professional is crucial for a comprehensive understanding of your situation. That being said, I can offer some possible explanations for your feelings:
Emotional detachment: Some individuals naturally have a harder time experiencing or expressing emotions. This could be due to various factors, such as personality traits, upbringing, or past experiences.
Emotional numbness: Past traumatic experiences or coping mechanisms could lead to emotional numbness, where you unconsciously suppress your emotions to protect yourself from pain.
Empathy deficit: The lack of emotional connection to the suffering of others, such as not feeling bad about killing animals as a child, might indicate a deficit in empathy. This can be concerning and may warrant further exploration.
Psychological conditions: Some psychological conditions, such as certain personality disorders, may affect one's ability to experience emotions in typical ways.
Childhood experiences: Early life experiences and upbringing can have a significant impact on emotional development. If emotions were discouraged or invalidated during childhood, it could contribute to difficulties in recognizing or expressing emotions later in life.
Neurological factors: In some cases, neurological differences or conditions might play a role in how emotions are experienced and expressed.
Whatever the cause may be, it's essential to seek professional help from a licensed mental health practitioner. They can conduct a thorough evaluation, provide a diagnosis if applicable, and offer appropriate guidance or treatment to help you understand and manage your emotions better.
Remember, discussing your feelings and experiences with a mental health professional can lead to valuable insights and potential strategies for personal growth and development. Don't hesitate to reach out to a qualified therapist or counselor for support.