I can understand that this situation might be distressing for someone who has experienced it.
Dealing with emotionally abusive family members can be challenging, and deciding to go no-contact is a personal decision based on one's own well-being and safety. It is essential to prioritize your own mental and emotional health.
If you later found out that the family member was autistic and didn't fully understand or mean the hurtful things they said, it might lead to mixed emotions. On one hand, it could offer some explanation for their behavior, which may provide a different perspective on the past. On the other hand, it might not completely excuse or negate the pain caused by their actions.
It's important to remember that emotional abuse is harmful, regardless of the person's intentions or circumstances. Autism can affect how someone communicates and processes emotions, but it does not justify or excuse abusive behavior.
If you find yourself grappling with feelings of guilt or conflicting emotions, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial. A mental health professional can help you process your feelings and work through any emotional challenges related to the situation.
Remember that it is okay to prioritize your well-being and make decisions that are best for your mental and emotional health, even if it involves maintaining distance from certain family members. Each person's situation is unique, and it's essential to find a path that allows you to heal and grow.