Dealing with a verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative parent can be extremely difficult, especially when trying to set boundaries. Here are some steps you can take to establish boundaries with your mom while taking care of yourself:
Choose the right time and place: When attempting to set boundaries, pick a calm and private setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Avoid having this discussion during or right after a heated argument.
Be clear and specific: Clearly communicate what behaviors are unacceptable and how they make you feel. Use "I" statements to express your emotions, for example, "I feel hurt when you speak to me in that manner."
Stay calm and composed: Emotional manipulation may intensify during boundary-setting attempts. Stay calm and composed, and avoid getting pulled into an argument. Stick to the main points you want to communicate.
Use assertive communication: Be assertive but not aggressive. Stand firm in expressing your boundaries without resorting to insults or name-calling.
Set consequences: Let your mom know that if she continues to be verbally abusive or dismissive of your feelings, there will be consequences. These consequences may involve limiting contact or taking a break from the relationship if necessary.
Enlist support: Consider having a supportive friend, family member, or therapist present during the conversation to provide emotional support and help mediate, if needed.
Practice self-care: Emotional discussions can be draining. Take care of yourself afterward by engaging in activities that help you feel grounded and nurtured.
Establish physical boundaries: If you are living together, designate spaces in the home that are your private areas and enforce them respectfully.
Seek outside help: If your mom continues to be verbally abusive and refuses to respect your boundaries, consider involving a family therapist or counselor to mediate the situation and provide guidance.
Consider your safety: If you ever feel unsafe or at risk of harm due to her behavior, prioritize your safety and seek help from a trusted adult or authority figure.
Remember that setting boundaries can be a gradual process, and it may take time for your mom to adjust to the new dynamics. Stay persistent and prioritize your well-being. If you find it difficult to navigate this situation on your own, don't hesitate to seek professional help for support and guidance.