Feeling physically and emotionally sick when thinking about an abusive ex-partner is a common and understandable response to the trauma you experienced during the relationship. Emotional abuse can leave deep emotional scars, and the memories associated with the abusive experiences can trigger strong physiological and psychological reactions. This phenomenon is often referred to as "emotional flashback" or "trauma response."
Here are some reasons why you might be experiencing these intense physical and emotional reactions:
Trauma bonding: Abusive relationships can create a strong bond with the abuser, which can be confusing and make it difficult to let go. Your brain might have associated certain physical and emotional sensations with your ex-partner, and when triggered, it brings back the feelings from that time.
Fear and anxiety: The memories of the abuse can trigger feelings of fear and anxiety, activating your body's stress response. This can manifest as physical symptoms like nausea, headaches, or even panic attacks.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): If the emotional abuse was severe or prolonged, it could have led to the development of PTSD. In PTSD, people often experience intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and intense physiological reactions when reminded of the traumatic events.
Associations with specific triggers: Certain places, objects, smells, or even certain behaviors in others might remind you of your ex-partner and trigger emotional distress.
Grief and loss: Even though the relationship was abusive, the end of any relationship involves a sense of loss. The grief associated with letting go of the person you once cared for can be overwhelming.
Dealing with the aftermath of an emotionally abusive relationship can indeed be mentally and physically exhausting. Here are some steps you can take to cope with these overwhelming emotions:
Reach out for support: Continue seeing your therapist and consider joining support groups for survivors of abuse. Sharing your experiences with others who have been through similar situations can be validating and healing.
Practice self-care: Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy. This might include hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or practicing relaxation techniques.
Establish boundaries: Cut off contact with your ex-partner and avoid triggers as much as possible. Give yourself space and time to heal.
Consider trauma-focused therapy: Techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be effective in addressing trauma and its related symptoms.
Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process the emotions associated with the abusive relationship.
Safety planning: If you feel physically unsafe or think your ex-partner might try to contact you, create a safety plan with the help of your therapist.
Focus on personal growth: Rebuild your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Engage in personal development activities and remind yourself of your strengths and resilience.
Remember, healing from emotional abuse takes time, and it's okay to have ups and downs. Be patient and gentle with yourself throughout this process, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you find it too overwhelming to handle on your own.