It's important to remember that individuals with BPD can have complex and challenging emotional experiences that may influence their behavior and relationships. Here are a few possible reasons for your girlfriend's actions:
Fear of abandonment: People with BPD often have a deep fear of abandonment and rejection. Criticizing or speaking against her father might trigger this fear, leading her to protect him to maintain her connection with him.
Difficulty with boundaries: Individuals with BPD may have trouble setting and enforcing boundaries. Protecting her father could be a way for her to avoid confrontation or maintain an emotional connection with him, despite acknowledging his abusive behavior.
Emotional attachment: Even in the presence of abuse, people may still feel emotionally attached to their family members. This attachment can be strong and complex, making it challenging to confront or distance oneself from the abuser.
Emotional dysregulation: BPD is often characterized by intense and fluctuating emotions. Your girlfriend's emotions surrounding her father might be overwhelming, making it difficult for her to address the situation or discuss it openly.
Idealization and devaluation: Individuals with BPD may idealize people close to them, including family members, despite their flaws. When the idealization wanes, they might feel intense anger or disappointment but could quickly switch back to idealizing the person.
Past trauma: Childhood experiences of abuse or neglect can profoundly impact someone's attachment to their parents, even if there was mistreatment involved. The trauma may complicate the person's feelings and responses to their family.
Need for validation: Your girlfriend might be seeking validation or approval from her father, hoping that protecting him would maintain a sense of acceptance from him.
It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding. If you're in a relationship with someone who has BPD, it's essential to be supportive, patient, and encourage open communication. However, it's equally crucial to prioritize your well-being and set healthy boundaries. Encourage your girlfriend to seek therapy or counseling to explore her feelings and experiences, and consider attending couples counseling together to address any relationship challenges constructively. Remember that professional guidance can be valuable in navigating complex emotional dynamics and improving the relationship's overall health.