It's understandable that you would feel scared or anxious when your dad raises his voice, even if he has changed his behavior now. This reaction is likely a result of the traumatic experiences you had when you were younger. Verbal abuse and threats of physical abuse can leave deep emotional scars and can significantly impact how you perceive and respond to similar situations in the future.
Here are some reasons why you might still feel scared:
Emotional memories: Traumatic experiences can leave lasting emotional imprints on our minds. When your dad raises his voice, it may trigger memories of past instances of verbal abuse or threats, causing you to relive those emotions.
Conditioning and fear: If you experienced consistent verbal abuse and threats in the past, your brain might have associated your dad's raised voice with potential danger or harm. Over time, this association can create a conditioned fear response.
Trust and safety issues: Trust is fundamental in any relationship, especially between a parent and child. If you experienced abuse from someone you should have felt safe with, it can create lasting trust issues and a fear of vulnerability, even when the person's behavior changes.
Hyper-vigilance: After experiencing abuse, it's common to become hyper-vigilant to potential signs of danger. Your brain may be on high alert for any cues that suggest a potentially threatening situation, leading to heightened anxiety when your dad raises his voice.
Coping mechanisms: To cope with past abuse, you might have developed strategies to minimize conflict or avoid situations that could escalate. Feeling scared might be a defense mechanism to protect yourself from possible harm.
It's important to recognize that your fear is a valid response to past experiences. Healing from emotional abuse takes time and support. If you haven't already done so, consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through the emotional trauma and learn healthy coping mechanisms to manage your fear and anxiety.
Additionally, having an open and honest conversation with your dad about your feelings can be beneficial. Let him know how his raised voice affects you and express your need for understanding and support. This dialogue can help both of you build a stronger, healthier relationship based on empathy and communication.
Remember that healing is a process, and it's okay to take things at your own pace. Surround yourself with supportive people who can help you along the way, and be patient with yourself as you navigate your emotions and reactions.