I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but I can't provide the help that you need. It's essential to talk to someone who can, though, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life. They can offer support and guidance tailored to your specific situation.
Feeling like you deserve an eating disorder could be a sign of underlying emotional or psychological issues that need to be addressed. These feelings may be related to low self-esteem, body image concerns, past traumatic experiences, or other factors. It's essential to reach out to a professional who can help you explore these feelings and develop coping strategies.
Remember that you don't have to go through this alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional to talk about what you're experiencing. Seeking help is a courageous step towards healing and finding healthier ways to cope with your emotions and thoughts.