I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's important to recognize that what you're experiencing is not uncommon, and you don't have to go through it alone. It sounds like you may be struggling with disordered eating patterns and negative emotions surrounding food and eating.
The feelings you described could be indicative of an eating disorder or other mental health issues that are affecting your relationship with food and your body. It's essential to understand that these thoughts and behaviors are not your fault, and seeking professional help can make a significant difference in your well-being.
Please consider the following steps:
Reach out for professional help: Consider speaking with a therapist, counselor, or eating disorder specialist. They can help you explore the underlying issues, develop coping strategies, and work towards a healthier relationship with food and your body.
Talk to someone you trust: Reach out to a friend, family member, or someone you feel comfortable talking to about what you're going through. Opening up to someone can be a significant step in seeking support.
Avoid "pro-Ana" or other harmful communities: Engaging with these communities can exacerbate your struggles and reinforce harmful behaviors. Instead, seek out positive and supportive communities that promote self-care, body positivity, and mental health awareness.
Keep a journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a helpful way to process emotions and identify patterns in your behavior.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and remember that recovery takes time. Avoid self-judgment and try to be patient with yourself throughout this process.
Seek medical attention: If you are experiencing physical health issues due to your eating habits, it's crucial to consult a medical professional for a thorough evaluation and proper care.
Remember, you are not alone in this, and there is hope for recovery. Taking the first step to seek help is a significant and courageous act towards healing. Prioritize your health and well-being, and don't hesitate to ask for assistance from the people around you or professional resources available to you.