Feeling the desire to attend NA/AA meetings only when you are high could be influenced by several factors, and it's essential to explore these feelings to better understand and address them. Here are some possible reasons for your preference:
Seeking Support in Times of Vulnerability: When you are high, you might feel more vulnerable and open to seeking help or support. Substance use can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or a desire to change, which can prompt you to consider attending meetings.
Recognizing the Need for Help: During moments of substance use, you may become more aware of the negative impact of addiction on your life. This heightened awareness can lead to a realization that you need help, and NA/AA meetings could be seen as a resource for support.
Loneliness or Isolation: Substance use can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Attending NA/AA meetings might provide a sense of belonging and understanding, especially when you are under the influence.
Avoiding Confronting the Real Issues: Attending meetings while high might serve as a way to avoid facing the underlying problems that contribute to your addiction. It's essential to address these issues directly in order to make progress in your recovery.
Regarding your bad experience with online meetings, it's not uncommon for virtual meetings to feel different from in-person ones, and some individuals may find them less engaging or effective. However, considering your referral to rehab, it's crucial to explore various avenues of support to aid in your recovery journey. Here are some suggestions:
Give Virtual Meetings Another Try: While online meetings may not replicate the in-person experience entirely, they can still offer valuable support and connections. Try attending different NA/AA meetings on various platforms to find one that feels more comfortable.
Explore Different Support Groups: If NA/AA meetings aren't resonating with you, consider exploring other support groups that align with your specific needs and preferences.
Seek Individual Counseling: Individual therapy or counseling can be immensely helpful in understanding the underlying reasons for your substance use and developing coping strategies for recovery.
Engage in Other Recovery Activities: Participate in activities that support your recovery, such as mindfulness practices, exercise, or creative pursuits.
Utilize Rehab Services: Since you have been referred to rehab, take advantage of the opportunity to engage in comprehensive addiction treatment programs tailored to your needs.
Recovering from addiction can be a challenging process, but reaching out for help and trying different approaches can greatly enhance your chances of success. Be patient with yourself, and remember that seeking support is a courageous step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.