I'm truly sorry to hear about your loss. Experiencing the death of a child is an incredibly traumatic and painful experience, and it's understandable that it can have a profound impact on your emotional well-being and dreams.
Dreams are complex and can be influenced by a variety of factors, including past experiences, emotions, and unresolved traumas. When a person experiences a significant loss like the death of a child, it can create deep emotional wounds that may resurface in dreams, especially if the grief has not been fully processed or resolved.
Recurring dreams or flashbacks related to the traumatic event can be a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD is a condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, and it can cause intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and flashbacks that make it difficult to cope with the trauma.
If you are still reliving the traumatic event and experiencing distressing dreams after 12 years, it may be helpful to consider seeking support from a mental health professional who specializes in grief counseling and trauma therapy. Talking to a therapist can provide a safe space to process your emotions, work through the grief, and develop coping strategies to manage the distressing dreams.
Additionally, participating in support groups with others who have experienced similar losses can be beneficial. Sharing your feelings with people who understand your pain can provide comfort and a sense of validation.
Remember that healing from such a profound loss takes time, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to seek the support you need as you navigate this difficult journey.