It's not uncommon for some individuals to defend abusive partners or family members, and there can be several reasons for this behavior. Understanding these reasons can be complex and may vary from one situation to another. Here are some potential factors that might contribute to your mother defending your abusive dad:
Fear: Your mother might be afraid of the consequences if she were to speak out against your father. Abusers often use intimidation and threats to control their victims, and your mother may fear retaliation or further abuse if she speaks up.
Emotional Dependency: Your mother might be emotionally dependent on your father, and her sense of self-worth or identity might be tied to their relationship. She may fear losing the relationship or believe that she can change him if she remains loyal and supportive.
Cognitive Dissonance: Cognitive dissonance refers to the mental discomfort people feel when their beliefs or attitudes are in conflict with their actions. In this case, your mother might defend your father to reduce this discomfort and justify her decision to stay in the relationship despite the abuse.
Lack of Support: If your mother lacks a support system, financial independence, or resources to leave the abusive relationship, she may feel trapped and unable to take action.
Isolation: Abusers often isolate their victims from friends and family, making it difficult for your mother to seek help or gain perspective from others outside the abusive relationship.
Love and Hope: Despite the abuse, your mother might still love your father and hold onto the hope that he will change. She may remember the good times and believe that things will improve, even though patterns of abuse are challenging to break.
Cultural or Societal Norms: In some cultures or societies, there may be societal pressures or beliefs that discourage divorce or leaving a relationship, even in cases of abuse.
It's important to remember that defending an abuser is not a healthy or acceptable response to abuse, and no one should have to endure abuse in any form. If you are witnessing abuse in your family, it is crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. Reach out to a trusted adult, friend, counselor, or a local support organization to seek help and guidance. Additionally, consider discussing the situation with a professional counselor or therapist who can provide support and guidance for you and your family.