Question

I slapped my husband after he grabbed me two different times and pushed me in a arguement, knowing I have been in countless abusive relationships, and now he is calling me the spouse abuser, but this isnt his first time doing this to me, all I did was react to his actions cause I was scared.. he even promised it wouldnt happen again, the last time he did this. what do I do? How is it that he gets to put his hands on me and it not be a problem, but when I pop him like a 5 year old for grabbing me, its straight up divorce talk.. and Im the abuser... but I didnt create this situation, yet its my fault and I am to be punished by divorce... how is that even right? Says I crossed the line but he doesn't see the bad in what he did, or caused in our marriage.

Answer 1

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult and distressing situation. It's essential to recognize that any form of physical violence or abuse in a relationship is unacceptable and harmful. Both partners have a responsibility to treat each other with respect and empathy.

However, violence or physical aggression is never an appropriate response to conflict or mistreatment. While I understand that you may have felt scared and threatened by your husband's actions, reacting with violence only escalates the situation and perpetuates a cycle of abuse. It's crucial to break this cycle and find healthier ways to address conflicts and communicate in your relationship.

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

1. Prioritize your safety: If you are in immediate danger or fear for your safety, seek help immediately. Reach out to friends, family, or a local domestic violence hotline to discuss your situation and develop a safety plan.

2. Seek professional help: Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic violence, abuse, or couples therapy. Professional support can help both of you understand the dynamics in your relationship, work on communication skills, and address any underlying issues.

3. Set boundaries: Communicate clearly with your husband about your feelings and what you consider unacceptable behavior. Establishing boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.

4. Consider a temporary separation: If you feel it's necessary for your safety or emotional well-being, consider spending some time apart to gain perspective on the relationship and its dynamics.

5. Involve a mediator: If both of you are willing to work on the relationship, consider involving a mediator to facilitate open and constructive communication.

6. Seek support for yourself: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups for assistance and emotional support during this challenging time.

7. Educate yourself on healthy relationships: Understanding what constitutes a healthy relationship can help you make informed decisions about the future of your marriage.

Remember, you are not to blame for your husband's actions, nor are you responsible for his behavior. Physical violence and abuse are never justified, and it's essential to prioritize your safety and well-being.

If you feel trapped or overwhelmed, don't hesitate to contact a domestic violence hotline or reach out to a local support organization that can guide you through this process. You deserve to be in a safe and healthy relationship, and seeking help is an important step towards achieving that goal.